‘A GRAVEYARD of hobbies’ - why I kindly ask that we erase this seemingly playful term!

I’ve been reflecting on the phrase “a graveyard of hobbies.” It’s often mentioned in relation to an ADHDer who takes on a new hobby, hyperfocuses for a while, and then just as quickly, they move onto something else. That process does happen, but the phrase ‘graveyard of hobbies’ is discouraging, and is dismissive of a very rich, meaningful process, however brief. Please let me explain.

I can appreciate that investing in hobbies can sometimes feel frustrating for loved ones, especially when said hobbies cost money! And yes, it is a privilege to cycle through costly hobbies and can create a burden on families, and I acknowledge that, but for a minute, please, let’s sit with the process to build understanding.

A neurotypical approach to hobbies might be more long-lasting and singular. For example, ‘I love golf’, ‘I love to play the piano’, and those hobbies might become part of a person's identity and sense of self.

Hobbies have a different meaning for most ADHDer’s.

Most ADHDer’s are not one-hobby type people! We love novelty, we love to learn, we love to be inspired, we love to create. We will engage with hobbies for a bit, and when the dopamine hit doesn't hit anymore, we’ll put it to the side. It’s not lost, it’s not in a graveyard, it’s a collection of cool things I’ve done and now know.

Please don’t diminish the value of that hobby for us. Please don’t discourage us from seeking new hobbies because you know it’s not going to last. Rhetorically, I ask, why does it have to last?

An idea arrives, often unexpectedly, and brings with it energy, curiosity, and momentum. There’s a pull to explore it, to follow it through, to see what might happen.

From the outside, it might look like jumping from one thing to another.

From the inside, it often feels like being fully alive to possibility.

I feel lucky to experience this. My mind runs toward unexpected, unconventional ideas, and when something sparks, it burns like a fire.

Just the other day, my husband walked through the door and I said, “Guess what! I’m going to become a celebrant so I can marry two of our friends!”

Yes, I’m busy. Yes, I have a lot on my plate, but it’s irrelevant because once an idea forms, I have the energy to dive in and get it done. And he knows that.

He doesn’t roll his eyes or question my logic. He says, “One of your life goals,” nods, and smiles.

And that’s all I need to know, that I have his support.

Don’t try to understand it. Don’t try to find the holes or make it fit your version of logic. Just support and love. And working together to find a way to help make it happen.

When we shift the narrative from “unfinished hobbies” to “exploring and learning something new,” something important changes in your relationship with the ADHDer you love, and something changes for us. Shame falls away. Pride swells, confidence steps forward, and possibility opens new doors.

Hooray to the hobby seekers, the entrepreneurs, and the creatives who give themselves permission to seek, play, learn, and thrive! Hobby On!